How Can I Forgive Someone Who Hurt Me?
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
When the Hurt Feels Too Deep
Few things affect the human heart more deeply than being hurt by someone we trusted.
- Perhaps someone betrayed your confidence.
- A close friend walked away.
- A family member said words they can never take back.
- A spouse broke your trust.
- A colleague treated you unfairly.
- Or maybe someone you loved simply abandoned you when you needed them most.
The pain is real. The disappointment is real. The scars can remain long after the event has passed.
In moments like these, forgiveness can seem impossible. You may wonder:
- "Why should I forgive someone who doesn't deserve it?"
- "If I forgive them, doesn't that mean what they did was acceptable?"
- "What if they never apologise?"
These are honest questions. The Bible never ignores the reality of pain. Instead, it offers a path toward healing - one that begins with forgiveness.
What Forgiveness Is - And What It Isn't
Many people misunderstand forgiveness.
- Forgiveness does not mean pretending the hurt never happened.
- It does not mean saying the other person's actions were acceptable.
- It does not require you to trust someone who continues to be harmful.
- And it certainly does not mean allowing yourself to remain in an unhealthy or abusive situation.
Biblical forgiveness is a decision to release your right to revenge and entrust justice to God.
It means choosing not to allow bitterness to control your heart any longer. Forgiveness is less about changing the other person and more about allowing God to begin changing you.
Why Does God Ask Us to Forgive?
Forgiveness is one of the most challenging commands in Scripture because it often requires us to let go of something we feel justified in holding onto.
Yet God calls us to forgive because He knows that unforgiveness harms us far more than it harms the person who hurt us.
- Bitterness quietly grows.
- Anger becomes resentment.
- Resentment steals our peace.
- Eventually, the offence begins to shape our thoughts, relationships, and even our relationship with God.
Forgiveness breaks that cycle. It allows healing to begin where bitterness once lived.
Jesus: The Greatest Example of Forgiveness
The most powerful example of forgiveness is found in Jesus Christ. As He hung on the cross, rejected, mocked, beaten, and crucified by those He came to save, Jesus prayed:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
- Luke 23:34
He did not wait for an apology. He did not demand that His enemies first earn forgiveness. He chose forgiveness because love was greater than hatred.
If Jesus could forgive under those circumstances, He also gives us the strength to forgive those who have wounded us.
Stephen
Stephen, the first Christian martyr, demonstrated the same spirit.
As stones were thrown at him, he prayed: "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." - Acts 7:60
Rather than allowing hatred to consume him, Stephen chose mercy.
One of the people witnessing that event was Saul - who would later become the Apostle Paul.
Only God knows how Stephen's forgiveness may have influenced one of Christianity's greatest missionaries.
Our forgiveness may have consequences far beyond what we can see.
Why Forgiveness Can Feel So Difficult
Forgiveness often feels difficult because our emotions tell us to hold on to the offence. We may fear that forgiving someone means they "got away with it."
But Scripture reminds us that justice ultimately belongs to God. He sees everything. He knows every wound. He understands every tear.
Choosing forgiveness does not remove God's justice. It simply removes the burden of carrying revenge ourselves.
Forgiveness Is Often a Process
Many people believe forgiveness happens instantly. Sometimes it does. Often, it happens gradually. Healing takes time. Some wounds are deeper than others.
You may need to choose forgiveness repeatedly as painful memories resurface. That does not mean you've failed. It means you're continuing to surrender your pain to God.
Each step toward forgiveness weakens bitterness and strengthens peace.
Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Be Honest with God
God already knows your pain. Tell Him exactly how you feel. He welcomes honest prayers. Healing begins with honesty.
Pray for the Person Who Hurt You
This may feel impossible at first. Yet Jesus specifically instructed His followers to pray for those who mistreat them. Prayer changes hearts - including our own.
Remember How Much God Has Forgiven You
Every Christian lives by grace. None of us deserves God's forgiveness. Yet He freely offers it through Jesus Christ. The more deeply we appreciate God's mercy toward us, the easier it becomes to extend mercy to others.
Choose Peace Over Revenge
Revenge promises satisfaction. Forgiveness offers freedom. Bitterness keeps us connected to the pain. Forgiveness allows us to move forward.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Some relationships can be restored. Others require healthy distance. Forgiveness releases resentment. Wisdom determines appropriate boundaries.
The Blessings of Forgiveness
Forgiveness brings benefits that extend far beyond the relationship itself.
- It restores peace.
- It reduces emotional burden.
- It strengthens spiritual growth.
- It improves relationships.
- Most importantly, it allows us to reflect the heart of Christ.
When we forgive, we become living examples of the grace we ourselves have received.
Forgiveness is rarely a journey we should walk alone. FaithStride provides practical biblical support to help you move from hurt toward healing.
- Pray through painful emotions using the AI Prayer Partner, receiving biblically grounded encouragement.
- Explore Bible Insight to understand what Scripture teaches about forgiveness, grace, reconciliation, and healing.
- Keep a personal Prayer Journal where you can honestly express your emotions while recording your journey toward healing.
- Grow spiritually through guided devotionals and personal growth resources designed to help you release bitterness and embrace God's peace.
FaithStride isn't simply about reading Scripture. It's about helping you live it.
Start Your Free TrialReflection
- Is there someone I need to forgive today?
- Have I allowed bitterness to take root in my heart?
- Am I trusting God with justice, or trying to carry it myself?
- What would my life look like if I truly released this burden to God?
Final Thought
Forgiveness may be one of the hardest choices you will ever make. But it is also one of the most freeing.
You cannot always choose what others do to you. You can choose how you respond.
When you forgive, you are not rewriting the past. You are choosing not to let the past control your future.
God's grace has the power to heal wounds that human effort never could.
As you receive His forgiveness each day, allow His love to give you the courage to extend that same grace to others.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
- Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Continue Your Journey
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